“Be the bigger person.”
“Don’t let it get to you.”
“She’s the one with the problem. Not you.”
“Ya gotta get over it.”
“Why do you let it bother you so much?”
Those statements are bullshit. Sometimes I want to wallow in my self pity after being verbally attacked, yet again, by the bio mom. So, just let me, ok? I’ll eventually get over it. I’ll eventually put down another layer of bricks on my emotional wall of protection. It’ll be another scar I wear on my heart. But today…just let me be. Let me be mad at her. Let me be human.
I am most definitely emotionally exhausted from continuing to take the brunt of her anger. I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not a victim, I’m just a punching bag for her sociopathic ways.
There are things that go through my head that I want to say to her but I won’t. I won’t send a nasty reply email because I know that that gives her power. And honestly, it’s to the detriment of my husband’s co-parenting plan (even as fucked up as that plan can sometimes be). I know these things. So for now, today, I can’t be tough. I don’t want to. But once the smiles on my stepchildren’s faces light up when they see me, it’ll go away. Somewhat. And I’ll continue to be the amazing stepmom I know myself to be.
So, I’m going to feel hurt, sad, mad, pissed, and I’ll probably cry. But things I won’t do? I won’t respond. I won’t speak ill of her. I won’t tear those two amazing kids apart. I won’t take it out on my husband. It’s not his fault. I will not be weak minded. I will not be weak hearted. I will not let these bad feelings last. But again, today? Just let me be.