My number one rule for being a kick ass stepmom

Rules are made to be broken, but if you wanna be a kick ass stepmom, know this, for those who know me, you know my mouth. It’s gotten me into trouble a few times and I’m sure it’ll happen quite a few more times, but when it comes to my stepkids and my bio kids in general is that I really have had to learn to slow down, drop the sarcasm (VERY hard to do,) and focus on the moment at hand and how I can make my relationship stronger with my stepchildren.) The one steadfast rule that I always go by no matter what situation I’m in is this, “Say what they need to hear, NOT what you want to say.”

You might wanna say:

“Well, your mom’s an asshole for showing the emails your dad sent.”

What you SHOULD say:

“It’s unfortunate that you were put in that position. It sounds like you’re hurt.”


You might wanna say:

“Well, your mom doesn’t make the rules in this house.”

What you SHOULD say:

“It sounds like you’re frustrated but it’s totally ok that there are different rules in different houses. Everyone runs their home differently – even your friends’ parents.”


If the child says:

“My mom is a better cook than you.”

You might wanna say:

“Your mom makes Mac and cheese from a box. Mine is homemade with love.” or

“Well, your dad didn’t think so.” or

“You’re not allowed to talk about your mom here.” or

“Really? Because I learned how to make chicken nuggets from Julia Child which makes me better than your mom.”

What you SHOULD say:

“You are so very lucky to have a mom that cooks for you! You should ask her for the recipe, we should try it!” (Trust me, that’s a tough one, I know. But hey, if this lady is making better Mac and cheese than me, who am I to potentially lose the opportunity to make mine better. Own up ladies. It’s about the child and their feelings. If they feel like you respect their other parent, it’s worth your pride. Buh-LIEVE ME!)

It’s all about perspective fellow step mommas. You honestly have to pause, put away the sarcasm or hateful comment, and look that child straight in the eye and fill their heart with love. It’s the only way to do it.

Now, what about you? What are some things you’ve had to say to strengthen the relationship with your step kids? I know you’ve had to bite your tongue a time or two…

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