Ok. I get it. Most PTA meetings are held at the school and for some silly reason, adults are not allowed to consume any alcoholic libations while on campus. Even if we promise to Uber. (Trust me. I’ve asked.) But let me climb aboard my soap box for you today and give my top 5 reasons of why wine should be served at PTA meetings and why we should change the definition of PTA to “Pass the Alcohol”.
#1 You’ll get more peeps to sign up for volunteering!
At one of the schools where two of my kids attend, we have an AH-MAZING fall festival. But every year, it’s like pulling teeth to get people to sign up to chair any of the committees. Don’t you think that if Carol was served a glass of pinot, she might be more inclined to sign up to be a sign flipper in carpool to get people to buy yearbooks? I think so! And just think if she was served a mimosa at 7:50am during said sign flipping time that she would rock that shit? Again, I think so! And let’s not forget if we tapped a keg in the parking lot that dads would show up too! Right?! RIGHT!
#2 The Bitch is less annoying
We alllllllllll have one. There’s always that one bitch who everyone can’t stand that brags about her new car or shows you pictures of the fucking bento box she makes for her kid’s lunches. She usually argues with what’s being presented and will make you feel guilty for not buying Girl Scout cookies from her daughter. So, don’t you think we’d be able to tolerate that self absorbed mom with better abs than you if you popped sangria in your monogrammed Corkcicle? Yep. I think so.
#3 The boring parts
Come on. There are some insanely boring parts of PTA meetings. And during those times, there is nothing more I feel sneaky about than trying to check Instagram while the Partner’s in Education report is being read. Wouldn’t you better handle the legislative advocacy update if you had a glass of Cab? Who’s with me?
“All those in favor of spending $2,834 dollars on new wallpaper in the bathroom nobody ever uses, say ‘I'”!
We would alllllll be more honest about what we decide to vote on, amirite? Do you ACTUALLY want to spend $78 on a new engraved brick for the school walkway that is thanking your local burger establishment for their generous donation for Teacher Appreciation week? I think not. Let’s appreciate the teachers by spending that money on school supplies for their classrooms. “I vote for DRY ERASE MARKERS FOR ALL TEACHERS!” *everyone clinks their glasses in unison*
#5 Teachers would get more involved
Good gravy! Don’t you think if we were serving Chardonnay that your kid’s science teacher would be more likely to show up for these meetings after she’s had a long day of dealing with said kid? It was you, after all, who forgot to give him his adderall that day? She’d think of it as a free happy hour! This would make her MUCH happier than that melted crayon art you made her for her birthday instead of the Total Wine gift certificate you SHOULD’VE gotten her.
So, see? Wine at PTA meetings is a win, win situation here, people. Or should I say, wine, wine?